10 Effective Relationship Tips for Better Communication

We’ve heard the saying communication is key. It’s thrown around like a dirty tissue just missing the trash can. People struggle with this most basic and necessary function. Communication is defined as the exchange of information, news, and ideas.

How do we impart information effectively, without starting a full-on fight with our partner or spouse?

Many of us did not have positive role models for communication growing up. But even still, with this impairment, we can learn how to communicate and gain the skills necessary to have fulfilling, meaningful, and supportive relationships.

In this article, we’ll explore 10 ways you can have better communication in relationships that can lead to more intimacy, increased trust, and better conflict resolution. Conflict happens. It’s how we deal with it that shapes our relationships and our happiness.

If you’re feeling alone in a marriage, fighting with a spouse, struggling to maintain relationships, or reducing stress at work, you can apply these tips on how to communicate in a relationship effectively.

1. Own Your Emotions

There are several ways to establish comfort and safety right off the bat when you have a problem you’d like to discuss. Start sentences with I statements rather than you statements. “I feel” and “I am” can be much more powerful than “You did this” or “You never”.

If you want to make a request you can lead with “Would you” and “I would love if you…”. This gives your partner the choice to help you and allows them to feel better about themselves for doing so.

When you help your partner understand your preferences, they’re more equipped to understand your feelings. A great structure to follow is using the phrase: I feel [emotion] when you [do this action].

2. Process Your Feelings First

It’s easy to decide what someone else needs to change before we address our own needs first. It’s harder to sit with our feelings, our discomfort, and our pain.

If we want to have an equal playing field and be fair to our partners and spouses, we must do just that. Before you sit down to have a talk, take some time for yourself to process your thoughts and feelings. You don’t want to wait a week after something happens, but at least a few hours can change the course of a conversation.

Go for a walk, run some errands, and read a book. Take care of yourself so you can get calm and focus on what you need to discuss in a productive manner.

3. Create a Safe Space For Conversation

Space and time are everything. When you are upset, it’s best to schedule a time to discuss with your partner or space, to give them a heads up that that time will be focused on one-on-one time to discuss an important issue.

Space is also critical. Where you have been impacted by the outcome. Find a quiet space with no interruptions. If you have children, you may want to go outside or lock yourselves in a separate room. If you can, go to a cafe or for a walk.

4. Be Fully Present

Being fully present in a conversation can allow the other person to feel trusted and safe. This allows them to get soft, really listen, and be vulnerable. Use your body to show you’re really listening by facing your spouse or partner head-on and looking them in the eyes. 

5. Listen Listen Listen

Talk less and listen more. A conversation is not a monologue. You are not trying to get out everything before the bomb goes off. Just relax, take deep breaths, nod when appropriate, or make guttural sounds if needed, but do not interrupt the person speaking. Once they’re done, you can reflect on what they said and then go ahead and share.

6. Reflect Don’t React

It’s easy to let our emotions take over and guide our actions, but in the case of a conversation or fleeting moment, remember to do nothing. It’s best to reflect on what you’re feeling, and where you’re feeling it, and then to just let it go. Breathe through it, and when you feel calmer, speak. Ask questions. Listen. When you get heated again, stop. Then continue when the waters are calmers.

7. Acknowledge their feelings

After fully listening with your eyes and ears facing your partner or spouse, you can acknowledge what came up for them. Clarify what they said in your own words. Ask questions if you didn’t quite get what they meant. It’s okay to be curious.

It’s not okay to completely ignore their feelings. By validating what they’re experiencing, even if you don’t agree or can’t see how they feel that way, you’re showing them love and you’re one step closer to a resolution.

8. Focus on the End Goal

While arguing and talking it out can be good for the soul, you need to have an end goal in mind. You and your partner need to resolve the argument to come full circle and tie up the issue.

This isn’t to say that the pain and feelings won’t resurface, they might and probably will, but it is to say you need to visualize and prepare for a certain outcome.

Whether it’s agreeing on some mutually beneficial change, or there’s a compromise made, both parties need to go away feeling more at ease, and not cheated.

9. Use The Right Communication Method

Everyone has a different love language and everyone learns differently. Your spouse or partner may be more inclined to touches of love than gifts and material rewards. Maybe they love when you say I love you and don’t love public displays of affection so much.

You can figure out what your partner’s love language is by taking the quiz online, asking, or just sensing it by trial and error.

10. Show Your Love

Even after a difficult conversation, you should always show your partner or spouse some love. Whether that’s a kind display of gratitude, looking each other in the eyes, or just giving each other a hug or kiss, each act has a profound impact on how you move forward.

Final Thoughts

We get it: relationships are hard.

But they don’t have to be insufferable. Making sure you’re listening, understanding, and showing love to your partner or spouse can make or break your time together. It’s important to note that relationships are here to teach us more about ourselves and the world.

It’s not easy and it’s not going to happen overnight. But the more you practice these techniques, the more fulfilling your partnership or marriage will become. If you have any questions regarding these 10 tips to better communication in relationships you have reached out to us and book a free consultation. We are available to help improve your relationships.